a wee bit of scotland

 I absolutely love Scotland, to the roots and all the way up to the very tip of the leaves. This country has rough people, kindly people. But it also has trees of every sort, walls that are older than America, and castles, there is history as rich as the Midwest soil in the 1700’s! I could not be more grateful. My goal tomorrow is to read some Scottish poetry, and get Internet working along with cooking my quinoa and meeting some more people. I have had to add coffee into my budget… I may have to make my own, it would be way to expensive to buy it out every time, but rather I can make my own!!! (i wrote this a couple days ago... and yes i did all that and more!)

hahahah this is James a Hall assigtant,, he is hilarious

I am so thankful for my mom. She is ever so encouraging and helpful. It was amazing skyping with her today.

I have been feeling lonely even though I am surrounded by people. That is how it usually is when there are hundreds of people around and you know none of them. I feel very challenged to go out and feel confident. I will get out there and meet people and break free in order to make friends. I will have to create new relationships with people and find those who I could really trust and grow with. Then I will have friends in whom I can help and encourage. I love being real with people. I need to not put on a front of complete strength, cause I really am a weak person and I cannot pretend to be strong all the time. I really feel alone but I am so not alone. I feel God’s presence right beside me, holding me strong. When I feel like I am about to crumble I here his voice saying I am your Shepherd, I am your strength, you are Mine, I have loved you with an everlasting love, I created beauty for you, I hear your voice, I know your desires, I care for you. I cannot say I am alone ever. Even feeling lost and tired I am in the center of his love and safety J I am so grateful to have faith to believe, it opens my eyes to the possibilities, his word resounds in my heart right when I need him. “even though my heart and my flesh may fail he is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” To know the intimate love of Jesus, to know the kind of words he uses to describe me is better than a cold shower on a hot day. The dry bones become alive, new hope revives the heart. Purpose in the day awakens me. If I wake in the morning and just go from one thing to another to get “things” done, then I get tired, and insecure. but when I wake and look to the heavens be thankful for all that he has given me, and hear his purpose for me that day, then I have his strength and I am a full person. Instead of being an empty trash bag I can be a vase full of flowers.

I am sitting here enjoying Bach and Mozart eating corn thins (cause they are better than licorice) being refilled and reflecting. I get my own room with my own desk, bed, and sink!!!! I have not had such a thing for 3 years and it feels so good. I have somewhat of a base to plant myself in! with this came some fear at first, I was afraid of the loneliness, of the freedom, and most of independence. This alone room (in a hallway filled to the brim with people) designates me as a single person, where I make my own schedule, I listen to my own music, I read, and cook my own food. I have a whole country to explore and I have people to meet. But the fact that I have my own room makes me feel like I can make more of my own choices, which instead of being extremely scary, is good for me. I can make choices according to my values, what I love, and who I am, rather than making choices for social reasons. Instead of going to the bar I probably can go on a hike or a walk, or write poetry or even read.. there are endless possibilities. I realize I am a very social person but I also have so many interests I have not explored because a lot of them have to do with being alone or they are not what everyone is doing! I am so grateful to be finding my niche…